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  They continued working on the trees for a while, breaking for dinner, then returning. Kay left to help clean the castle roof. Elloriann eventually lost all the wooden projectiles in the snow, but most of the trees had been cleared by then, so she joined Carla and Rich in cleaning snow away from tree trunks.

  Eventually, they joined those working on removing the snow from around the castle walls, but by then it was getting dark, so everyone soon went inside, where the fires were going, and Stav and Hannah were serving more hot drinks.

  It had been an exhausting day. Carla and Elloriann were sitting on the floor in front of the fire in the dining hall.

  “I’m sorry,” Elloriann said quietly.

  “About what?” Carla turned to look at her in confusion.

  “I know you weren’t comfortable with Licky’s air guns. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I was probably having a little too much fun with it.”

  “It’s all right,” Carla smiled, wrapping her arm around Elloriann’s waist. Then she froze for a moment, unsure of whether her gesture was too inappropriate, and whether Ell would be all right with her doing something like that in front of others.

  Elloriann noticed Carla’s uncertainty immediately, and banished her worries by resting her head on Carla’s shoulder. They sat like that for a long time, until dinner was served, and everyone sat down to eat, talk, and be proud of the work they’d done together.

  23

  After dinner was cleared off the plates, and everyone started settling in for the night, Carla and Elloriann were faced with a bit of a problem.

  What now?

  It had warmed up quite a bit during the day, and the night was promising to be tolerable. There was no need for Carla to stay in Elloriann’s bedroom. They both wanted to spend the night together, but neither had the excuse to ask or to offer.

  “I’d like to take a bath,” Elloriann said. “I’m soaked in sweat.”

  “Yes, that sounds like a good idea,” Carla replied.

  “You’re welcome to join me.”

  “In...the bath?”

  “Yes. Easier to warm up the water for 1 bath rather than 2.”

  “Yes, of course.”

  Carla smiled and followed Elloriann into the bathing room. They lit the fire in the stove and warmed up some of the snow water for the bath. Elloriann slowly took off her clothes and sunk into the water.

  For a few second Carla just stared. She hadn’t actually seen Elloriann naked until that moment. The sight was a bit mesmerizing. Elloriann’s muscles were well-defined from the combat training and fencing. She looked like a warrior. A beautiful, naked warrior.

  “You don’t have to join me if you don’t want to,” Elloriann said when she realized that Carla was still clothed and staring at her 3 minutes later.

  “I do. I just...I was enjoying the view.”

  “Oh.” Elloriann bit her lower lip in order to prevent an embarrassed smile from taking over her face.

  Carla undressed slowly. She felt shy, even though Elloriann had seen her naked before, or at least parts of her. Disrobing entirely in front of her still felt like an important moment. For a short while she just stood by the tub, allowing Elloriann the chance to enjoy the view as well. Then Ell beckoned Carla with her arms, and Carla sunk into the water, her back to Ell’s front. Elloriann wrapped her arms around Carla, and they both let out a contented sigh.

  The stove was keeping the bathing room relatively warm, but it wouldn’t be long before the water in the tub would start getting cold. They enjoyed the short time they had in the hot water in silence. Carla wove their fingers together. She brought one of Elloriann’s hands to her mouth and kissed it gently, then spent some time looking at her fingernails, which she still found to be one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen.

  When the water around them began to cool, they separated without words, and began gently washing each other. When they were done, they rose out of the water and dried each other. Then they got dressed, put out the fire in the stove, and stood by the door, uncertain of what to do next.

  “I should go back to my room,” Carla said quietly.

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “You should go back to my room, to my bed. And stay there, forever,” Elloriann said, lowering her eyes. “That is, if you want to.”

  At first all Carla felt was a burst of absolute joy, but reality soon took over and she had to consider what would happen if they truly were to do what Elloriann was suggesting.

  “Is it even possible? You’re a princess, I’m a servant. What will your father say?”

  Elloriann suddenly felt a surge of something close to rage.

  “My father has not taken interest in my life in years, unless it was to use me as a pawn in a political game. He has no say in what I do, whom I live with, or whom I love.” She took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down. “But...you do have a point. My father is very respectful of servants, I don't think he would see you as undeserving of me simply because of your status, but he does have certain expectations for my future. If he finds out about us, he won’t be happy.”

  She sighed and looked down, shaking her head. Carla held both her hands and squeezed them.

  “Let’s go back to your room for now. For tonight. We’ll think of what to do next in the morning.”

  Elloriann nodded and allowed herself to be led out of the bathing room and into her bedroom. They started the fire, put the kettle on to warm up the sheets. Once everything was ready, they crawled into bed and immediately embraced.

  “I’m sorry it has to be this complicated,” Elloriann said after the bed had warmed up and they were both comfortable.

  “I don’t think things of value are designed to ever really be easy.”

  Elloriann smiled at that. She wasn’t sure if that was entirely true, but it was a good way of looking at one’s life when things got difficult.

  They were both exhausted, but sleep evaded them. After a few more minutes of silence, Elloriann broke the embrace so she could look at Carla. It was dark, but she could still make out the shape of her face.

  “Carla...”

  “Yes?”

  “May I kiss you?”

  “Yes.”

  Elloriann kissed Carla gently, only brushing their lips together at first. It felt a bit strange. Carla’s lips were not shaped like those of most people. But it made little difference, as Elloriann had kissed only twice before in her life, while Carla never had at all.

  Elloriann deepened the kiss, but drew back when she felt Carla’s body tensing.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked nervously.

  “Nothing, just... I’m sorry. About...my face.”

  “Don’t be.”

  “It probably feels all wrong to you.”

  “It doesn’t. It feels like you. And that feels amazing.”

  Carla felt her lips curl up in a smile against her will. They kissed again, deeper now. Elloriann’s hands started traveling lower down Carla’s body.

  “I...” Carla gasped more than said, when Ell’s hand brushed against the bottom of her stomach.

  “Do you want me to stop?”

  “No, no, please, don’t stop. I just wanted to say...I’ve never done this before.”

  “I haven’t either.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” Elloriann ran her hand up and down Carla’s side. “To be honest, I’ve never wanted to before. Well, I did want to, in theory. But I’d never met anyone I wanted to do it with. Before you.”

  “Me neither.”

  Elloriann kissed her again, but before the kiss could get any deeper, she stopped and moved away slightly.

  “I...” she said, uncertain of how to put her thoughts into words. “I want to make sure that you don’t feel...pressured.”

  “Pressured?” Carla asked, a bit confused. Elloriann always made sure that Carla was comfortable in any given situation. She couldn’t be further away from pressured if she tried.

/>   “I’m...a royal. I hold as much power as one can hold in the land, and you are in my employ. I want to make sure you’re not going to do anything you don’t want to out of fear or a sense of obligation. You can say no to me. You can absolutely always say no to me.”

  For a few seconds Carla just stared, unsure of what she was feeling. She didn’t know whether to feel grateful or offended, or both or neither. She knew Elloriann meant well with this. But over the past few months they’d developed a close, trusting relationship, so an implication that Carla would only be with Ell out of a sense of inferiority made her bristle a little.

  “You forgot to mention that you saved my life and I’m forever indebted to you,” she said.

  Elloriann drew her hands away from Carla’s body and moved away slightly, putting space between them. Carla immediately felt guilty for her words.

  “I’m sorry,” Elloriann said quietly.

  Carla lunged forward, embracing Elloriann tightly.

  “No, no, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just mean...” She sighed. “I know you’re above me in status, but I trust you enough to know you’d never use that against me. You’re the most honorable person I’ve ever met.” She rubbed her hand up and down Ell’s back gently. “Last week Jo berated you for tracking mud into the dining room, and you apologized. Sincerely.” She placed a soft kiss on Ell’s temple. “You’re a princess, and you apologized to the cleaning staff of your castle for having dirt on your shoes, and you meant it. Then you helped her clean it up. I know you’d never invoke your power to get what you want, Ell. That would be beneath you.”

  Elloriann clung to Carla’s body, processing her words. She wasn’t sure if she shouldn’t have brought this up at all, but she still felt that it was something that needed to be discussed. When they first met, Carla couldn’t even look up at Elloriann. If there was any possibility that Carla could be ignoring her own needs and comfort, Ell needed to make sure that she wasn’t taking advantage.

  “I had to make sure,” she said.

  “I know, and I appreciate it,” Carla replied, finally breaking the embrace, but only to press her and Ell’s foreheads together. “You weren’t wrong to say what you’d said. I’ve barely been out of slavery for a few months. It wasn’t wrong to think I might be unable to reject a royal.”

  In truth, Carla often forgot that Elloriann was a princess. She spent most of her time in the servant wing, did a lot of menial work, spoke to servants like they were equals, and they felt safe enough to speak to her as though she were one of them. In fact, some of the older servants even condescended to her at times, never fearing repercussions for disrespecting the future leader of their land. Carla had only been living in the castle for a short while, but everyone else there had known Ell for years, and the way they were around her showed great trust.

  It would be naive to forget that Elloriann held a lot of power. But she was never arrogant, and she took nothing for granted. She would make a great queen someday. And she’d probably still be cleaning her own room then.

  Carla rolled onto her back, and Elloriann rested her head on her chest.

  “I ruined the mood, didn’t I?” Ell said.

  Carla smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of Ell’s head.

  “I think we can recover.”

  Ell raised her head and saw a playful expression on Carla’s face. She moved up a little to place a kiss on Carla’s lips. They started out slowly, with gentle caresses and long, unhurried kisses. Eventually, Elloriann moved her mouth to Carla’s neck, her chest, then lower, and lower.

  It was warm and cozy under the covers. It was a sanctuary. The world around them was cold and complicated, and the morning would bring a difficult conversation and decisions. But for now, the night was keeping them safe as they explored each other’s bodies, giving and taking pleasure, comfort, and love.

  24

  “Does your father ever come here?” Carla’s voice was a bit muffled as her face was resting on Elloriann’s chest.

  “He hasn’t in years,” Elloriann replied, gently dragging her fingers up and down Carla’s back. “He’s put me in the care of servants right after I was born and has barely spent any time with me since. When I was younger he’d visit me maybe once a week. Now he barely does that at all. He just has his people reporting on me, and sometimes he summons me, but he doesn’t come here himself.”

  “His people?”

  “Guards, mostly. He used to ask Gerome for reports on me until he realized that Gerome had more loyalty to me than to him. It’s lucky he hasn’t simply relieved him of his duties, but I suppose he decided that no one would defend me better than someone who actually cares about me.”

  “At least he exhibits some wisdom.”

  “Yes. I don’t think my father is unreasonable. I think he just...doesn’t know how to be a father.”

  Carla wrapped her arm around Elloriann’s waist and squeezed.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s all right. I have a large family.”

  “I don’t think it’s quite the same.”

  “Perhaps not. But that doesn’t make it inferior.”

  “True.”

  Carla knew the emotion was rather irrational, but she felt a little guilty for having had 2 loving fathers, when Elloriann never even had 1. She kept that to herself, however. Sharing this guilt so Ell would make her feel better by slighting her own misfortune would be selfish. Instead she just tightened her embrace around Ell’s body.

  As the sun was rising, Elloriann wondered whether hiding her relationship with Carla was something she could manage. She didn’t want to. She was proud that Carla loved her. She wanted everyone to know. But she knew her father would not approve of her being with a servant. He would not oppose the relationship in and of itself, he did not believe that people of lower classes were inferior to royals. Rather, he thought of marriage between royals as a political decision. He would not care whom Elloriann loved, but royals were to marry royals. Whether or not love had any part to play in those unions was a secondary matter.

  It was difficult to tell how the king would react to Elloriann and Carla's relationship, but it was all but guaranteed that he would expect it to be temporary.

  So they needed a plan. She took a deep breath, bracing for what was ahead.

  “I think we’re safe in the servant wing,” Elloriann said in a calculative tone. “I’m quite certain that no one there would tell on us to my father. Not even Mari. Those people are my family, they will protect us. I’m...not so certain about the guards. They are military. Their devotion to the king is one of the most important parts of their job. Luckily, guards reside in the main castle and are rarely ever in the servant wing.”

  “They could see us here.”

  “Yes, but they won’t enter my chambers without permission. We only need to worry about shared spaces.”

  “Won’t they be suspicious of me spending time here?”

  “We could say you are serving as my handmaiden when you are not busy with the garden.”

  “All right. What about Sal?”

  Elloriann took a moment to consider this.

  “You think Sal could tell on us?”

  “I don’t know. I suppose it’s a matter of whether their friendship with us outweighs their loyalty to the king.”

  “Right.” Elloriann sighed, causing Carla’s head to rise and lower with her chest. “Perhaps we should talk to them.”

  “But if we talk to them, there will be no going back. At this point, we could still hide, but once we reveal the relationship to them, our fate would be in their hands.”

  Elloriann groaned. The sound reverberated through Carla’s body, which was a strange sensation, but also felt intimate somehow. Like Carla was sharing Elloriann’s emotions through a physical connection.

  “I really don’t want to hide,” Elloriann said quietly.

  Her voice was so sad and broken that it made Carla’s chest ache.

  “I don’t e
ither. But I don’t think we have a choice.”

  “We could run,” Elloriann said. She didn’t truly believe running would be a realistic option, but some part of her kept telling her it was also maybe the best one.

  “Where would we go?”

  “I don’t know.” Elloriann closed her eyes, trying to will herself not to cry. “I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

  Carla rose up on one elbow and ran her hand over Ell’s cheek.

  “We don’t have to figure it all out right now. We just need a course of action for the near future.”

  “But what about the rest of the future? What about when my father finds some prince for me to marry? What then?”

  Now it was Carla’s turn to battle tears.

  “I hadn’t thought of that.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “Maybe not. But it’s my...royal blood that’s causing the problems.”

  “Or my peasant blood.” Carla smiled sadly. “If I was royalty or had enough political power somewhere, your father probably wouldn’t mind our relationship so much.”

  “I don’t know. Royal unions are generally expected to produce progeny.” Elloriann sighed deeply. “You know, I never wanted children. The idea of being fitted with a husband, then forced to bare, birth, and raise a child, it makes me want to...not be.”

  “I’m sorry.” Carla lowered herself back onto Elloriann’s chest and gave her a tight hug.

  “Do you want children?” Elloriann asked quietly.

  “Not particularly,” Carla said. “I'm not as opposed to the idea as you are, but it's also not something that I really want. Of course, if I were to end up with a child, I would dedicate myself to their care. But I honestly think people should only have children if they really, really want to. It's not something you can change your mind on if it turns out to be not quite to your liking.” She smiled sadly. “Well, I suppose my birth parents did. But unwanted children aren't usually as lucky as I was.”